More ramblings...

Where do I begin...  You see I didn't know my family very well and for some reason I have this strong urge to learn all that I can learn about them.  But when I find out more information, it depresses me.  It explains a lot as well, but still depressing.  I know my mission in this life is to stop the cycles of abuse, addiction and depression.  I know I was chosen to be the fighter.  But life gets a lil complicated and a lil exhausting at times.
I had an uncle who passed away before I was even a mere thought.  He was killed in an accident when he was either 15 or 16. Back in those days funerals were held at the home of the families.  My grandmother who was divorced from my biological grandfather held the funeral at her home.  My biological grandfather was a drunk and very abusive as well, showed up to the house as they were having his sons funeral.  He looked at his other son and said, "Who's the boy in the box"?  He didn't even recognize nor know that his own son had died.  It's sad that a drug, (in his case alcohol) could consume your life to a point where you don't recognize your own children.  Which brings me to a conclusion that my family was dysfunctional before any of my dads siblings were even thought of.  So this long line that I am supposed to mend, is this the reason I chose not to have children.  Is this the reason my mother died?  Is this the reason I was sent to live with an abusive step parent? Was the abuse in this life of mine set up so I wouldn't become an addict?
I did start drinking at a young age.  I did smoke marijuana for quite some time.  I became quite the lush in my teenage years and into my early 20's.  When the last of my family died, which was my dad I drank almost every day, until one day I woke up in a bed of vomit and told myself I will not live that life.  It consumes you, a temporary escape, but not a permanent one.
Both my parents drank, all 3 of my brothers drank, all three liked their cocaine.  I liked my beer, vodka and marijuana.  Now I like an occasional drink, my Chapstick and caffeine.  I think by learning about my family makes me realize my life wasn't so bad, but at the same time it saddens me to know that kind of ignorance really existed, not to mention in my very own home.  I guess I am going to share my journey and hope the followers of this blog doesn't get bored.  Maybe my experiences can open your eyes to your own lil world or to the world of someone you cannot figure out.  Maybe to that someone who just needs a simple hello and a smile.  This blog isn't going to be all about my family.........I have amazing friends who I consider more my family than my bloodline.....I am grateful for them and also for the family (in the bloodline) I am getting to know....